In today’s world, it can sometimes be confusing about who pays on a date. Stop right there! Ladies, there should be no confusion. The man pays. Yes, there are exceptions but in general, especially when you are first going out, the man pays.
A few years ago, I was asked out by a college professor who I assumed had a good paying job, although the jalopy he drove said otherwise. But, it had been a long time since my last date and I was determined to give this guy a chance. On our first date, we went to a nice steak house. On our second date, we had pizza and on our third date, we were at this cute little fish house and he brought up the bill. “I think we should split the check,” he said. “Excuse me?” I said. He went on to tell me about a platonic girlfriend that he went out with occasionally and how they always split the check.
“Well, are you dating her?,” I asked. “No,” he said. “Have you ever kissed her goodnight?,” I asked” “No,” I’m not sure where these words came from but this is what I heard myself saying to him as I got up from my seat to go to the ladies room. ”I am worth the price of dinner and dessert!” The look on his face was priceless!
Not surprisingly, that was our last date. He told me I was “extravagant” and not a good “steward” of money.
I was upset at being called extravagant just because I expected him to pay so I asked one of my male colleagues what he thought. He told me, that when he was pursuing his wife, no expense was too great. He always paid and was happy to do so. He also pointed out that God’s love toward us is extravagant. He gave us everything – His only begotten son – so we could have everlasting life.
Scripture uses an extravagant verb to describe the enormity of His love for us when it says, “How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us” (1 John 3:1). So the pursuing man has the great opportunity here to imitate God!
When my sister was dating her now husband, not only did he always pay for dinner, he bought her a car! and paid off her student loan debt even before they got married. Now, that’s what I call extravagant. A dinner and a movie is nice. But expecting the man to pay for dinner is not extravagant. However, whether he does so or not could give you an important glimpse into his heart and his beliefs.
Fortunately with God, there is no confusion when it comes to His extravagant love for us.
“That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Eph 3:17 (NKJ)
From Casting Crowns…
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again…
Maybe it’s not like this for all women, but I know for me, if a man pays, it makes me feel more like a woman, I feel valued, safe, taken care of. It makes a statement. I recall after our first date at the nice steak house, he mentioned how expensive it was. Ouch. That’s like saying, I really didn’t want to buy you that nice dinner. And ladies, let’s be real. If he can’t afford to pay for your dinner, can he afford to buy you a ring? Can he afford a house for you both to live in? I’m not saying you should never pay for anything. When I am in a relationship, I like to occasionally buy breakfast or lunch or even cook, something my two sisters, who are now happily married, say they never would do. But, I feel like “date night’s” are his responsibility.
God wants you to know that you are worth the price of dinner and dessert and so much more! You are worth someone being “extravagant” over. After all, you are a daughter of the most high King, A royal treasure, A beautiful masterpiece, a pearl of great price. You are a lady and a true gentleman will recognize your value and act accordingly.
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If a guy is asking a girl out because he is attracted to her and has an interest in her long-term, paying for the date is an honor. It’s an honor that she is willing to spend an evening with him. Its a small opportunity for him to make a good impression on her. Even in a situation where the woman is very successful and the guy is not doing as well, paying for the date is a fundamental part of being a man. If he can’t afford to date, he probably will not be able to afford a wife or a family. In the Book of Ruth, I think there is an excellent example of how a gentleman should treat a lady. And, just a little insight from my gender to yours, men love taking care of the women they love. They love providing for her. Its at the core of being a man. Maybe God set this system up so you girls would have a clue as to which guys have potential and which guys do not. I had a friend who had several daughters. When each of them turned 16, he took them out on their first date. Dad of course set a very high standard of etiquette. At the end of the night, he told each daughter, if you ever go out with a guy and he doesn’t treat you the same way I treated you tonight, don’t go out with him again.
Beautiful words Shane that will bring healing to a lot of women….I especially love “Men love taking care of the women they love, they love providing for her, it’s at the core of being a man.” That brought tears to my eyes…So many women haven’t experienced this yet…God Bless you….
Shane is much more eloquent than I, so I’ll just put it in the first words I thought of when reading about this college professor. Wendy, the college professor is a loser.
I was raised by two parents. A Dad who was respectful, hard-working, a real man who could fix darn near anything, and had a job where my Mom didn’t have to work outside the home (he didn’t want her to, it was his manly duty to provide). My Dad was born in 1929, he was a classic guy of that generation. He didn’t “share” much, but when he did it was wisdom you probably should right down. He taught me the value of hard work, the value of saving your money, and the priorities of doing without so your kids should have more. He called strangers “sir” or “ma’am” and he those he called Mr or Mrs/Miss I knew he greatly respected. He worked two jobs and he is most proud he put THREE kids through college when he didn’t graduate high school.
I was taught to open doors for ladies, be polite, and to ALWAYS pay for dinner on dates. When I was dating in high school they both asked if I had enough money because I was SUPPOSED to pay for dinner.
I have formed my own opinions of manliness. Among those are to always wear a belt with pants that have belt loops, always wear shoes with strings, only wear flip-flops at the beach, pool, or locker room showers, match the socks with color of your pants, and ALWAYS PAY FOR THE DATE!!