In today’s world, it can sometimes be confusing about who pays on a date. Stop right there! Ladies, there should be no confusion. The man pays. Yes, there are exceptions but in general, especially when you are first going out, the man pays.
A few years ago, I was asked out by a college professor who I assumed had a good paying job, although the jalopy he drove said otherwise. But, it had been a long time since my last date and I was determined to give this guy a chance. On our first date, we went to a nice steak house. On our second date, we had pizza and on our third date, we were at this cute little fish house and he brought up the bill. “I think we should split the check,” he said. “Excuse me?” I said. He went on to tell me about a platonic girlfriend that he went out with occasionally and how they always split the check.
“Well, are you dating her?,” I asked. “No,” he said. “Have you ever kissed her goodnight?,” I asked” “No,” I’m not sure where these words came from but this is what I heard myself saying to him as I got up from my seat to go to the ladies room. ”I am worth the price of dinner and dessert!” The look on his face was priceless!
Not surprisingly, that was our last date. He told me I was “extravagant” and not a good “steward” of money.
I was upset at being called extravagant just because I expected him to pay so I asked one of my male colleagues what he thought. He told me, that when he was pursuing his wife, no expense was too great. He always paid and was happy to do so. He also pointed out that God’s love toward us is extravagant. He gave us everything – His only begotten son – so we could have everlasting life.
Scripture uses an extravagant verb to describe the enormity of His love for us when it says, “How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us” (1 John 3:1). So the pursuing man has the great opportunity here to imitate God!
When my sister was dating her now husband, not only did he always pay for dinner, he bought her a car! and paid off her student loan debt even before they got married. Now, that’s what I call extravagant. A dinner and a movie is nice. But expecting the man to pay for dinner is not extravagant. However, whether he does so or not could give you an important glimpse into his heart and his beliefs.
Fortunately with God, there is no confusion when it comes to His extravagant love for us.
“That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Eph 3:17 (NKJ)
From Casting Crowns…
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again…
Maybe it’s not like this for all women, but I know for me, if a man pays, it makes me feel more like a woman, I feel valued, safe, taken care of. It makes a statement. I recall after our first date at the nice steak house, he mentioned how expensive it was. Ouch. That’s like saying, I really didn’t want to buy you that nice dinner. And ladies, let’s be real. If he can’t afford to pay for your dinner, can he afford to buy you a ring? Can he afford a house for you both to live in? I’m not saying you should never pay for anything. When I am in a relationship, I like to occasionally buy breakfast or lunch or even cook, something my two sisters, who are now happily married, say they never would do. But, I feel like “date night’s” are his responsibility.
God wants you to know that you are worth the price of dinner and dessert and so much more! You are worth someone being “extravagant” over. After all, you are a daughter of the most high King, A royal treasure, A beautiful masterpiece, a pearl of great price. You are a lady and a true gentleman will recognize your value and act accordingly.